Breaking up is hard to do as sung by Neil Sedaka in a happy pop tune in 1960. In comparison, we can perhaps say that falling in love is much easier to do. For most of you who have experienced falling in love, you might remember the thrill and feeling of thinking of that someone you feel good about. If the other person feels the same way, a relationship begins and that’s where two people begin to really get to know each other. However, many relationships do not last. Global divorce rates have risen. Countries with a higher gross domestic output and higher education levels tend to see more divorces. How can we make relationships last? You can consider practicing mindfulness for a lasting relationship.
Our Concept of Love
Our concept of love is mostly driven by our hormones with our need for companionship and physical intimacy. It is also driven by media, where happy-after in a love relationship usually concludes a movie. Although this is hardly true in real-life. Most couples get tired of one another. While there are some who live together in a loving and understanding relationship for life. Such relationships usually take self-sacrifices most in modern society are not prepared to make.
There is also the expectation that your partner stick by you through thick and thin through health, illness and death. These are all promises made to bind two people together. The expectations set up in a marriage can also cause a marriage to break up. If a partner proves to be less than perfect based on his/her spouse’s expectations, the marriage or relationship begins to fall apart.
Falling In Love Without Mindfulness
Falling in love is a happy and pleasurable feeling we all get. Most of it is emotionally driven. How we view the other person is emotionally driven. We tend to look at the attractive side of the other person when we are falling in love. We refuse to see the other side. Perhaps this person is petty, has a short temper, and is miserly.
When we are falling in love, we tend to blind ourselves to the weakness the other person may have. Unfortunately a lot of times, we think intimacy may settle these issues for us.
In short, when we are falling in love, most of the time we are falling in love with a concept we have of the other person. We do not see the person based on reality.
Practice Mindfulness In A Relationship
If we are seeking a long term relationship, how can we make it last? Mindfulness allows us to see how we view the world in a biased way. When we are able to see the function of our mind, we can learn to balance our view of the person we feel good about and make a wise choice of whether it is a relationship we want.
If you are in a marriage, mindfulness allows you to see your mind’s expectations of your partner. We tend to measure what we feel about the other in the future – whether the person does something or not.
Mindfulness is about living every moment in the present – awake to ourselves (body and mind) and to the other. We learn not to measure a person or a relationship based on a future expectation except for what is needed now.
Of course, all of us need a sense of security. If you see that your partner isn’t a responsible person and can’t afford to bring security to the family, it is something you recognize now. Mindfulness helps you, rather than emotions to make your choices about your life partner.
For a happy lasting relationship, whether you are married or not, it may be best to be grateful and to pay attention to the present with your partner. Let go of expectations so that you can be surprised by each other’s company at each moment. In this way, you can live each moment anew with your partner, not bogged down by expectations.
Want to learn more about mindfulness? You can attend our workshop or personal course by getting in touch with us.